So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
