Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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