I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
