I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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