Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
