hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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