Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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