I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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