why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
