A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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