i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
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Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
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Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i think i just lost a toe
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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