I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
