I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
