One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
where does the pee come out of this thing
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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