I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
