i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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