He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
