Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
