She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
where are you?
Hypothermia
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
