yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
