When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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