Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
This beer is not sobering me up at all
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize