I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
