hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
