I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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