and she was petting her beer can
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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