We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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