I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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