I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
