Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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