I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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