we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
