Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
