Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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