Porn is love you can see.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
