imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Still dying that you shit outside
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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