She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
