Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
