you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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