Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
