jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
