now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I still have a little drunk in my system
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
