You were right. It hurts to walk today.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
