a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
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Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
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I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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