New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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