girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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