Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
