I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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