Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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