I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
did i walk over a car last night?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
