u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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