What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
