True but thats because hes a fetus.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
