I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
ugly people sure do ruin things
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
