fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
