ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
