You're completely useless in the revolution.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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