I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
