A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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