I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I need moral support for this bender
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
