At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
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I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
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Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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