Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
