what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
