Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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