i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
