It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize