I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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