i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
