i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
