Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
