A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wish you could order shots online.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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