I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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