My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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