You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Non-Jews are for practice
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
